Engraving Forum.com - The Internet's Largest and Fastest Growing Engraving Community

The Internet's Largest and Fastest Growing Engraving Community
Discuss hand engraving using basic to the most advanced methods and equipment
Forum Members: 14,709. Welcome to our newest member, Simas
EngravingForum.com - Domain since Feb 7, 2003

Graver Video Conferencing is empty Join now!


Go Back   Engraving Forum.com - The Internet's Largest and Fastest Growing Engraving Community > Forums > WaterCooler
ENGRAVING TOOLS - Paypal accepted Classes Glossary Feedback Tips Sharpening Bulino Videos Forum Policies

Reply
 
Thread Tools
  #1  
Old 01-10-2009, 07:19 PM
Steve Lindsay's Avatar
Steve Lindsay Steve Lindsay is offline
Administrator
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Kearney, NE
Posts: 4,542
Default Shop tools explained..??.!!

This was forwarded to me. It is pretty good



DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly
snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it
smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the
room, denting the freshly-painted part which you had
carefully set in the corner, where nothing could get to it.

WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them
somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also
removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers
in about the time it takes you to say, ''What
The....??''

ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning pop rivets
in their holes until you die of old age.

SKILL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too
short.

PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads Sometimes used in the
creation of blood-blisters.

BELT SANDER: An electric Sanding tool commonly used to
convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.

HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the
Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a
crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to
influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers, to completely
round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can
also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of
your hand.

WELDING GLOVES: Heavy duty leather gloves used to prolong
the conduction of intense welding heat to the palm of your
hand.

OXY-ACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting
various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy
for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub you want the
bearing race out of.

TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to
launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.

E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool ten times harder
than any known drill bit that snaps neatly off in bolt holes
thereby ending any possible future use.

BAND SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by
most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces
that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the
inside edge of the line instead of the outside edge.

TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum
tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.

CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 24-INCH SCREWDRIVER: A very large pry bar
that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip
on the end opposite the handle.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum
seals under lids and for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil
cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used,
as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.

STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans.
Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into
non-removable screws.

PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that
clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a
50 cent part.

HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short. Works
equally as well on boxes and thumbs.

HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer
nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the
most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to
hit.

"DAMMIT" TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and
throw across the garage while yelling
''DAMMIT'' at the top of your lungs. It is
also, most often, the next tool that you will need.

Steve
__________________
__________________________________
Steve Lindsay
AirGraver.com
EngravingArtist.com
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 01-10-2009, 10:15 PM
tonytigerhk45's Avatar
tonytigerhk45 tonytigerhk45 is offline
Gold
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Monroe, NC
Posts: 160
Send a message via Yahoo to tonytigerhk45
Default Re: Shop tools explained..??.!!

Sometimes I think all I have are Dammit tools. :yesnod:
__________________
Tony Medlin :thumbsup:
"One loves to possess arms, though they hope never to have occasion for them."
--- Thomas Jefferson to George Washington, 1796.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 01-11-2009, 07:01 AM
Joe PAonessa Joe PAonessa is offline
Steel
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 90
Default Re: Shop tools explained..??.!!

Steve,

That is great! I think it might have been written by the guy who explained how inertial measurement works when I was in the Air Force.

Joe Paonessa
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 01-12-2009, 03:24 AM
Ddbltrbl's Avatar
Ddbltrbl Ddbltrbl is offline
Gold
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Yokohama, Japan
Posts: 188
Default Re: Shop tools explained..??.!!

:smilie5:

Actually, that's kinda scary!
I think the guy that wrote it has been spying on me!
__________________
Great Soapbox! Now if I just had something important to say!
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 01-12-2009, 10:06 AM
WVEngraver's Avatar
WVEngraver WVEngraver is offline
Platinum
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 1,656
Default Re: Shop tools explained..??.!!

Don't forget the "gravity socket". It's a small socket that tests the force of gravity inside engine manifolds, cylinder heads, fender wells and other impossible to reach places. I think Tony knows what tool comes next .
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 01-12-2009, 12:07 PM
tonytigerhk45's Avatar
tonytigerhk45 tonytigerhk45 is offline
Gold
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Monroe, NC
Posts: 160
Send a message via Yahoo to tonytigerhk45
Default Re: Shop tools explained..??.!!

Yeah it's next to the "wtf-mfing" tools.
__________________
Tony Medlin :thumbsup:
"One loves to possess arms, though they hope never to have occasion for them."
--- Thomas Jefferson to George Washington, 1796.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 01-12-2009, 02:32 PM
Daniel Houwer's Avatar
Daniel Houwer Daniel Houwer is offline
Platinum
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Haarlem, Holland
Posts: 2,125
Send a message via Skype™ to Daniel Houwer
Default Re: Shop tools explained..??.!!

Steve, this is just great!
I do think he forgot the Push graver, a tool for picking your nails from the inside out.
Thanks for posting, I needed a good laugh!

Daniel
__________________
The best things in life are still made by hand.
DaniŽl's Photo Album
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 01-12-2009, 06:53 PM
Chapi's Avatar
Chapi Chapi is offline
Gold
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 174
Default Re: Shop tools explained..??.!!

Wait, I thought the graver was a tool for the creation of razor sharp burrs used for blood letting.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools

Posting Conduct
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -6. The time now is 05:38 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.6
Copyright ©2000 - 2023, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.