How To Give Your Cat A Pill

[ihsfab]

1. Pick cat up and cradle in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Postion right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2. Retreive pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3. Retreive cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4. Take new pill from bottle, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right finger. Hold mouth shut for a count of 10.

5. Retreive pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.

6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged frimly between knees, holding front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitting by cat. Get spouse to hold cat's head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

7. Retreive cat from curtain rail, get another pill. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with its head just visable from below spouse's armpit. Put pill in drinking straw, force cat's mouth open with pencil and blow down straw.

9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take away of taste of pill. Apply band-aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10. Retreive cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheeck and records for date of last tetnis shot. Throw T-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12. Ring fire brigade to retrieve cat from the tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from bottle.

13. Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table. Find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Force cat's mouth open with spanner. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and put a pint of water down throat to wash pill down.

14. Get spouse to drive you to emergency room; sit quietly while doctor sticthes fingers and forearm and removes pill reminats from right eye. Stop by furniture stop on way home to order new table.

15. Arrange for SPCA to collect cat and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters!

[Peter]

Sounds similar to my past experiences! The vet makes it look SO simple using the thumb and index finger to get the cat to open its mouth (of course the assistant is holding the cat to keep it from attacking) but I never had that much success either!