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  #1  
Old 01-25-2012, 11:49 AM
Daniel Houwer's Avatar
Daniel Houwer Daniel Houwer is offline
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Default Can this be posted? if not mr Moderator, please remove :)

There is not one dirty word in it, and it is funny.


The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr.. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, "Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon."


Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. "Good morning, Ma'am", he said, "I've come to..."


"Oh, no need to explain," Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, "I've been expecting you."


"Have you really?" said the photographer. "Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?"


"Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat".


After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"


"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there."


"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!"


"Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."


"My, that's a lot!", gasped Mrs. Smith.


"Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be In and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that."


"Don't I know it," said Mrs. Smith quietly.


The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus," he said.


"Oh, my God!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.


"And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with."


"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.


"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look"


"Four and five deep?" said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.


"Yes", the photographer replied. "And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in."


Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh...equipment? "


"It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away."


"Tripod?"


"Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long."
Mrs. Smith fainted
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  #2  
Old 01-25-2012, 12:36 PM
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Steve Lindsay Steve Lindsay is offline
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Default Re: Can this be posted? if not mr Moderator, please remove :)

Hi Daniel, I haven't read your above post yet, but I'm sure it is engraving related. You guys helped my post yesterday slip by the moderator by figuring out a lot of ways it was engraving related, so I'm just sure this one must be too.



Edit..20 minutes later. Daniel, I just read it. Oh my!..someone will need to be extra creative to figure out how this is engraving related..
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  #3  
Old 01-25-2012, 01:57 PM
redgreen redgreen is offline
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Default Re: Can this be posted? if not mr Moderator, please remove :)

I see what happened, Daniel miss typed, he left out part of a line, I fixed it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Daniel Houwer View Post
There is not one dirty word in it, and it is funny.


The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr.. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, "Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon."


Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer "who also made engraved picture frames using a Lindsay Palm Control and template sharpening system" happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. "Good morning, Ma'am", he said, "I've come to..."


"Oh, no need to explain," Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, "I've been expecting you."


"Have you really?" said the photographer. "Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?"


"Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat".


After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"


"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there."


"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!"


"Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."


"My, that's a lot!", gasped Mrs. Smith.


"Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be In and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that."


"Don't I know it," said Mrs. Smith quietly.


The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus," he said.


"Oh, my God!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.


"And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with."


"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.


"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look"


"Four and five deep?" said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.


"Yes", the photographer replied. "And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in."


Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh...equipment? "


"It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away."


"Tripod?"


"Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long."
Mrs. Smith fainted
Bob
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  #4  
Old 01-25-2012, 02:17 PM
jack jack is offline
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Default Re: Can this be posted? if not mr Moderator, please remove :)

I am glad he engraved those picture frames with a palm control. It now makes it all right. HAHAHAHAHA Jack
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  #5  
Old 01-25-2012, 05:39 PM
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Daniel Houwer Daniel Houwer is offline
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Default Re: Can this be posted? if not mr Moderator, please remove :)

Bob is the best!!!
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  #6  
Old 01-25-2012, 08:00 PM
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Steve Lindsay Steve Lindsay is offline
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Default Re: Can this be posted? if not mr Moderator, please remove :)

Quote:
Originally Posted by redgreen View Post
who also made engraved picture frames using a Lindsay Palm Control and template sharpening system
Oh.. that does it! Of course it is approved now.
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