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  #1  
Old 10-10-2011, 03:18 AM
T Inslay's Avatar
T Inslay T Inslay is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Toowoomba, AUS
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Default Very Funny.

G'day All, dont know if any of you have seen this before but i sure did get a laugh out of it.

WORKSHOP TOOLS & THEIR USES.

ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age.

SKIL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.
PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads.

BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.

HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British cars and motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating that 9/16- or 1/2-inch socket you've lost.

TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids and for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.

STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws.

PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short.

HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit.

MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door.
Drill Press: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your drink across the room, splattering it against that freshly painted part you were drying.

WIRE WHEEL: Cleans rust off old bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprint whorls and hard-earned guitar calluses in about the time it takes you to say, "Ouch!"

VERTICAL BAND-SAW: Very useful in cutting large awkward sheets of plywood or metal in smaller pieces that fit perfectly into the bin especially when you cut on the wrong side of the line.
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  #2  
Old 10-10-2011, 05:58 AM
SEngraver SEngraver is offline
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Location: UK.
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Default Re: Very Funny.

Hi Inslay,

Thank you, now I know what I have always known, is correct
SE
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  #3  
Old 10-10-2011, 01:06 PM
joseph engraver's Avatar
joseph engraver joseph engraver is offline
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Location: Sarzana,Italy
Posts: 620
Default Re: Very Funny.

I am glad to know that i have used them all correctly.Thanks
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  #4  
Old 04-13-2012, 01:28 PM
willy willy is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: cal.u.s.
Posts: 54
Default Re: Very Funny.

SKIL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.
Even after 10 cuts, the stud is still too short.
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  #5  
Old 09-27-2012, 08:48 AM
Mikeroesch Mikeroesch is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Chattanooga
Posts: 10
Default Re: Very Funny.

Skill saw - tool used to shorten fingers that get in the way of the blade!
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  #6  
Old 10-30-2012, 10:08 PM
BobWill BobWill is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Tishomingo, Oklahoma
Posts: 6
Default Re: Very Funny.

1 you forgot, grinder that seconds as a finger nail remover, darn finger is still numb.
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