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Old 05-20-2014, 02:36 PM
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Sarzana,Italy
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Default The Farm The End

I was five when my half sister Helen arrived at the farm. She was brought there by my mother. I think it was the first time I saw my mother, I remember vividly that day and the arrival of my half sister. Everyone was cooing and looking at her. My mother was holding the baby, smiling at her. Walking beside her was a tall man wearing the Army uniform, he was holding his service cap in one hand and the baby basket in the other as my mother introduced him to Andrew, and my Aunt Lillian. She called me over to her and told me that this man was my Father. I stared in fascination at this stranger in his uniform with stripes and medals on his chest and a large birthmark on his left cheek. I was so curious about the birth mark that I asked my mother about it. Her answer was “God had given it to him so that he would be recognized when your father Ernest went to heaven”. The baby was carried into the sunroom then placed in the new white wicker basket. It was then I got to see her for the first time, wrapped in a soft pink blanket and wearing a little white knitted cap. Her fingers were tiny and pink and curled into fists. She smelled of rose water. She stayed for a long time, almost three years.
Not long after the arrival of Helen came my best friend Sammy, and later other bigger kids, but they only stayed for a summer.
Sammy, the bigger boys and me all slept in the old ballroom, while my new sister took my place in Aunt Lillian´s room.
I on a cot wrapped in a quilt made of silk ties that had that my scent impregnated into it. It was almost a rag but it was warm and smooth to the touch, I called it my cold blanket.
One night someone got into my bed and tried to have sex with me. I resisted until finally he got my arms twisted behind my back and pinned me face down. It hurt terribly and when he finished he whispered. ”You tell on me and I will kill you”, then he punched me.
After it was all over and I lay whimpering on my cot, the realization came to me that this must be how people got pregnant.
I had seen pregnant people, with their distended bellies. I imagined myself with a big belly and a baby coming out of my rectum. The more I thought of it the worse it got – until I got out of the bed, took my cold blanket, wrapped it around me, and went downstairs to hide in the woodpile.
If I climbed up to the top of it I could crawl under the porch in the space where Lassie stayed at night. I could smell the dirt, and then could smell Lassie as I dragged my blanket in with me. Now I could smell the puppies and Lassie licked my face, and I felt a bit better. I did not come out even though I heard them call for me. I did not come out for my morning chores or school, I only came out when I was so hungry I had to and I never told my aunt Lillian why.
I was now sure that God did not care for me and I would never ever go to heaven.
Molestation is demeaning and takes away your childhood happiness. Rape committed in the dark by some faceless person is terrorizing. After it is over you have no one to trust and you are afraid of anyone who touches you. This was my case and from that point on the only friends I had were Sammy and Lassie
While I lived at the farm, two children were killed. One child was killed when her grandfather ran her over with his truck while backing up. I was there to see my Aunt Lillian crying and hear Eva wailing as the little body was picked up from the dirt yard. One was my friend Sammy who got kicked in the head. It was Andrew, the corrupter of children that found him in the horses stall with the imprint of a horseshoe on the left side of his head and face; I was there to see his bloody body when Andrew carried my friend Sammy into the kitchen. That is when I came to hate God. These are some of the good and bad memories that I took with me when my Mother and Stepfather Ernest came to take Helen and me away from my beloved Aunt Lillian and the farm I spent my childhood on. I know that my story is not very different from many others that have been abused in their childhood. I sincerely hope that if this is your case. This story will give you courage to tell some stranger your dark and destroying secrets. It can and will change your life
The Farm
The End
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